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*And by “on his own” I obviously mean with the help of melatonin and his brothers who share a bunk with him.
Step One: Give birth to a beautiful baby
This part is easy![If you define easy as nine months of “morning” sickness, an ambulance ride with your husband literally holding your baby’s umbilical cord in place (before you give birth) and an emergency c-section as “easy”.]
Step Two: Make sure you baby never, ever, sleeps for more than 15-20 minutes at a time.
Step Three: Make sure baby has several surgeries.
Step Four: Make sure he has several more surgeries.
Just to make sure the anxiety around sleep grows (not shrinks) over time.
Step Six: Get a feeding tube placed.
He might not be able to sleep, but hey, now he can eat! Talk to the doctor about your child’s sleep. Try not to cry when she tells you, “Sorry, eating trumps sleep. You can’t work on sleep until he is gaining weight and growing”.
Step Seven: Wait until your kid is old enough to reason with.
Promise him anything in the world he wants if he will only go to sleep on his own. Without you having to lay in bed with him until he drifts off to dreamland.[Apollo came up with the idea that he would go to bed on his own for seven weeks to earn the LEGO set he wanted.
I told him three weeks would do just fine.]
Step Eight: Establish a new bedtime routine.
That includes brothers but not you. Keep track on the calendar.
Step Nine: Buy the LEGO Batcave
Sure, it cost me $79.99…but if you divide that up over seven years….it is really only about $7.99 a year. Or, to look at it another way, $0.95 a month! I would have paid a buck a month to have Apollo fall asleep on his own when he was a baby…or even a few months ago.
So you see, my friends, it is a wise investment.
Now, all I have to do it given him his melatonin (I love this brand, only .5 mg melatonin and includes chamomile), read him a story, make sure his brothers are in bed, and walk out of the room.
You’re welcome and I’m glad I could help.
If you enjoyed this post you will also enjoy How to Sleep Train Your Parents.