I Have Some SICK Superpowers…And I Bet You Do Too
I don’t want to brag or anything, but I have some pretty sick superpowers. And by sick, I mean Supernatural Individual and Critical Knowlege.
For instance, just this morning I spotted a cluster of green grapes on the steps as I headed up for my morning coffee. Spotting them at all was a feat in and of itself since the steps are so dirty (who’s job is it to vacuum them anyway?) it’s hard to see anything. But see them I did. I got my coffee, headed downstairs and asked The Parent Who Is Not Me if he noticed the grapes on the steps. True crime buff that I am, I was trying to narrow down the window of time in which the fruit was forsaken on the steps.
“Yes” answered The Parent Who Isn’t Me.
“And you didn’t pick them up?” I asked.
“I wanted to remember to talk to you about it,” said The Parent Who Isn’t Me.
“Um…seriously?” I said. Not really asking but casting a look of Scornful Skepticism.
“Well, when I first went up it was dark and I thought it might be poop,” said The Parent Who Isn’t Me.
Because, apparently, it would be perfectly reasonable to leave poop on the steps (or, you know, grapes) so he would “remember” to talk to me about it.
Which brings me to the Dishcloth Incident earlier this week. I was in the kitchen. Cleaning the kitchen. As moms do. The Parent Who Isn’t Me walked past, casually, and tossed a wet dishcloth kitchen floor.
“Umm…why did you just throw that on the floor?”
“Because that’s where I got it from”.
“So…why did you put it back there?”
“Because I thought that’s where we stored used dishcloths” responded The Parent Who Isn’t Me.
[And while I know those two instances make The Parent Who Isn’t Me terrible and lazy. I assure you, he is neither. But he does sometimes like to
play dumb pretend that he’s one of the kids. And here is where I should probably mention that yesterday morning he sat down and played a three hour game of Risk with the boys. So see? He is actually pretty awesome most of the time.]
I also happen to be the only person in this house who understands the fundamental difference between wet and dry. This superpower is imperative when emptying out the dryer. Certain teen girls seem to struggle with this more when they have a specific item of clothing that they have to wear. Right now.
I am also the only person in my who can see empty shampoo bottles (as evidenced in our shower), clutter, Any and Every Lost Object. I am also the only person who knows how to put fresh toilet paper on that tricky toilet paper holder and I am most certainly the only parent who can sign a permission slip (at least my kids think so. I’m pretty sure not a single child has ever as The Parent Who Isn’t Me to sign a paper for school).
How about you? Do you have any SICK Superpowers that no one else in your house possesses?by